Do you love an adult who has ADHD? Many of us do, whether it’s a partner, friend, sibling, or adult child. If you’re in a close relationship with an adult who has ADHD, you know that it can come with ups and downs. Individuals with ADHD are often known for their energy, passion, empathy, and creativity. However, adults with ADHD can also experience a lot of difficulties in their daily life that greatly affect the people around them, such as forgetfulness, impulsivity in decision making, and ineffective time management.

Some of the ways that you may be affected by having a loved one with ADHD include greater stress (e.g., stressed about trying to support your loved one/witnessing their struggles), disruptions (e.g., sacrificing your time and energy to help them), frustration (e.g., getting fed up with your loved one for repeatedly making impulsive or reckless decisions), and guilt (e.g., parents of adults with ADHD may feel guilty for not seeking a diagnosis/treatment sooner). Although you may not be able to control or “fix” all the difficulties that your loved one experiences, there are some ways that you can support yourself as you navigate this unique relationship:

• Learn more about ADHD
  • There are plenty of books and websites that are full of helpful information about ADHD. For example:
    • Is It You, Me, or Adult ADHD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love has ADHD by Gina Pera
    • www.totallyadd.com 
    • www.adhdrollercoaster.org 
• Reframe your perspective
  • Understand that ADHD is a neurological (and genetic) disorder. Try to reframe some of your loved one’s difficulties as arising from a disorder of brain functioning that predisposes them to act in certain ways. 
• Encourage your loved one to join an adult ADHD support group
  • It might be helpful for your loved one to gain support, information, and advice from others striving to better cope with their ADHD. If there are no active support groups in your community, you may be able to find one online. 
• Join a group for partners/loved ones of those with ADHD
  • Again, if there are no such groups in your community, try finding one online!
• Access professional counselling
  • If you decide to go this route, ensure that your counsellor is informed about adult ADHD and the impact that it has on others. There are a number of wonderful organizations in the community that offer this service, including Wildflowers Therapy! 
• Take mini vacations from your loved one with ADHD and have them do the same
  • Give yourself and your loved one a break periodically. Take an evening, a day, or even two days to go away and do something that you find enjoyable and rejuvenating (e.g., attend a sporting event; visit a close friend who lives out of town; book a spa appointment). You may find that doing so helps to renew your appreciation for one another. 

Written by Rachelle MacSorley, Registered Psychologist with Wildflowers. 

Reference:

Barkley, Russell A. (2017). When an adult you love has ADHD: Professional advice for parents, partners, and siblings. Washington, DC: APA LifeTools.